great expectations

the feeling when people underestimate me because i give the impression that i didn't expect much from that specific something, is quite depressing. until i realised that it was true, so i don't actually care what other people think.
adversely, when i'm overly nice, people demand more from me, or so i feel, so expectations on me are higher. when they ask for help, could it be because they are trying to take advantage of me, or could it just mean i'm capable.
i assure myself in knowing that the lower i'm expected to perform, the less pressure i'll feel. yet i cannot take comfort in knowing that i'm not up to standard, because that'll be a suckerpunch of irony. the flaw is that i want to ace every aspect of my life. but i'm too cowardly, i'm suppressing myself because of the fear- of hurting myself, or that in being better than others, i humble their prowess. then again, how could i dare say something like this, it is far too arrogant for i have yet to prove myself. without being worthy, i shouldn't deserve the rights to my wants.

once smitten, twice shy.

okay.
i admit it.
i'm one of those shallow half-witted fellas who has fallen into the dangerous category of "don't you like her because she's so hot?". and maybe, i've fallen in love with her again. the samesamesamesamesame personnnnnnnn- how's that even possible?.. gosh, if mr. lu ming yao was reading this he'd probably say, impossible is not a fact, it's an opinion. impossible is not a declaration, it's a dare. impossible is potential, impossible is temporary. impossible is nothing. Right. what do i think? I think of the way she talks the way she walks the way she looks at me the way she's movin' me, and i think of a superficially impossible relationship between her and me, and i think that "impossible"s just a much cooler sounding substitute for improbable. subjective reality wise, the only sidewinding reason for me to be neatly typing out all these legible love words is for the due sake of saving it in a text document in the improbable 'possible' hope that i'll be reading my blog 50 years down the road, next to her. oh yeah, now's also the time to remember that i've just failed my chemistry paper and if i continue staring at my computer screen, i'll have one less h1 pass by the end of tomorrow.
it's in her eyes. so pretty makes me wanna cry.

a debt to pay

wow.

it's grandmother's birthday dinner, she's 86, and we're having table conversation. so the topic deviates to revolve around my brother's life. and my mom asks what he and i talk about in the same room we've shared for 12 years. all he could call to mind was, "oh, i tell him to switch on the aircon". for me too, it's not really talking but shouting to a half-dead semi-asleep body: "can you turn off your darn alarm clock?"

wow.
don't know why i've become so exam conscious these days, years. i think i must've 'woke up my idea' in sec 2 when i almost flunked everything. butthen again it's only mid years wth... yet there's this inner filial motivation that drives me to do well. for my parents. they've paid for my life education and tuition. if i'm not going to pay them back in hard cash, it has to be written off in good results. so let's see what tomorrow's gp compre and chinese prelim paper has to offer. bring it on baby.

time flies

wow.
time flies. it's disgusting, revolting. those black little insects with the much coveted aeronautical God-given ability. especially those fat ones with huge eyes that compound 360 degree vision. depressingly, time passes as fast as they can fly...

wow.
it's my last june holidays, but what have i been doing the past week?
i wake at 12pm, heavy lunch, minesweeper flags, eat cereal, nap till 7, dinner, study, eat cereal, study till 2am. and to think i've been wondering why i've been having pimple outbreaks. the stress. creased forehead. knitted eyebrows. i'm totally out of tune with nature. gosh. i've just realised, how many rainbows have i seen in my whole life?- i believe the actual numerical value is less than the number of years my life has spanned so far.

i've been talking in my sleep, praying tomorrow was yesterday.
life ain't what it seems, please baby tell me what it means.
you just came back from time travellin'; maybe the future's no such thing
time is my enemy; the hour's a tragedy; the seconds go by, so slowly.
well, time is a compromise; every minute's a sacrifice.

question of the day: "yeah, did we even know we had hols in june when we were in kindergarten?"

creative writing competition

In my dreams i'll hold you mighty tight
layin' awake wishing each hug lasted a fortnight
one destiny seeking you would be an impossibly needless dare, for
vixens like you are so very rare, baby
eclipse me with a mere flick of your hair.
Just gaze in my eyes and see your future
eat short gasps of my breath and lose tenure.
a sound of my voice to imagine a symphony
nestle your hand in mine to feel like royalty.
know you melt my senses with your soft soft cries
overwhelm my life and taste a drop of paradise,oh
hear my sighs shatter in an illusionary orb of lies.

the green dream

alright, question of the day- What has 78 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?
that's right. MY ZIPPER.
i know i know, sensitive topic here for all you guys. oh well, needed something to jumpstart the post. haha, the incredible hulk is one green movie that was so so incapsulating, it left me stranded in the cinema for far too long, my mind just couldn't help but wonder how marvel managed to stretch those marvel-ous pants of his, that one hunk of a bruce banner, he actually managed to keep it on! but you know, it seems that all comic work must include the alter-ego-hero protagonist, one ugly bad-ass actallomighty antagonist, and not to forget, the catalyst or chemical X or superhotgirlfriend or whatever you wanna call it, in order to give the superhero the additional, "umph!", to overhaul mr. notsonice guy(whom i must say always appears to be much more expotentially overpowered) at the last minute. and yes i'm sure we'll all agree that liv tyler with the elfin ears in lord of the rings is definitely a 'rather than', than in this epic movie. yeah, but don't forget to thank God brucie boy's not stark naked in his incredible form, or we'll be suffering from post-mortem stress having to listen to all the little kids ask their mummy halfway through the show, "are you sure that's where babies come from?"...(the dots signify the pause for effect-that line was meant to be a joke) anyway, speaking of stark, i must compliment my good friend Tony's unique metallic way of malleable-ing himself into the ending. this is the part where the dim-witted, nah, the childhood-deprived folks, start asking their next door neighbours about that avengers project of his. haha. actually i'm one of them. had no idea what he was ranting on to. looks like i'll be awake studying marvel comic history into the wee hours of the dear morning . ah. i predict a cross-hero mashed up dream tonight. hope there'll be a happy ending and i'll save the day and when i'm about to be kissed by liv tyler... POOF!- dream disappears in an array of clouddust and i wake up to a screaming alarm clock.
blardy hell, hope there wasn't anything after the credits cos i didn't bother staying on till the close.

one

pain is pleasure.
pleasure is victory. - anonymous

one world.
one people.
one team.
one ac.
one cheer- "GROUP hugggggggggggggg! let's f***! gooooo AC!"
yeah baby. season's finally over. and we, finished off with a sexy bang. i love you guys. 3rd ain't all that bad.

squash cheat codes(to be shouted loudly from outside the court)
SHOWMEWHO'STHEMAN- player whacks the ball like a manimal
DON'TGIVEUP- player runs like a dog for every ball till he starts cramping in the legs
ONEBYONE- player goes for percentage
CMONTAKEITBACK- player takes back the handout
DON'TBESCARED- player rallies for the longest time
THAT'STHEWAY- player hits a nick shot... shout SEXY!- and the player does it again
AREYOUHAVINGFUN?!- player wakes up his idea and wins the game(most effective when player is losing with a constipated face)

calculate the possibilty

five hundred and fifteen days to set us apart
yet here we are at the same institution
you take biology i take physics
chemistry in common-
i wonder what you see, when you look at me
do you ever wonder what i see, when i look at you
if you knew what i see how would you feel
possibly flattered, or drastically offended-
i have math lessons three four times a week
but the only thing i've learnt
is to calculate the distance between you and me
be it four, five or twenty feet-
i'll imagine you my sunshine
dream up a whole relationship
but when the downpour of doubting fallacy comes
i'd declare it over before it's even begun-

at the table of fortune
where the cards have been dealt
look at the red ace you've drawn
just one heart to melt-♥

who invented nightmares

nightmare 1
5th june, thursday.
grueling day of training and studying. reached home around 5, after oversleeping on the bus. missed by 2 stops. zz. then napped from 540 to 8 during which i experienced a terrifying ordeal.
:i woke up in my dream, only to find out that my older brother was going out with her. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

nightmare 2
6th june, friday.
finished off the grp stage with a clean sweep of srjc. hot steamy bath and cold water slidin' with my homies. prata galore. reached home around 4, with a rather awkward half-sleep&wake ride on the mrt. then napped from 4.40 to 6 during which, i had a near-death experience.
:at first there was a bomb blast in church which i escaped by a hair's breadth, but they sent a professional killer to finish me off. so i faced him, exhanged words(i didn't really say anything i was scared shitless), then he said something lame like "i think i should finish the job now.."(typical hollywood cliche), and he lunged forward. just when i was about to meet my Maker, i woke up in reality, breathing heavily, heart pounding faster and louder than normal, thinking of all the possible ways he would've mutilated me. PRAISE THE LORD. phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

woah. two nightmares in a row. but then again, they say the opposite of your dreams happen in reality. so i wonder.

Restless V

Squirming into the lush, ravishing red, sensualized seat of the newly constructed auditorium- i adjusted my rigid elongated legs to fit comfortably into the obscenely limited chair radius provided. But however much the cushioned platform serenaded with my whole, connecting perfectly with the nervous system, sending tingling sensations down my spine, in the solitude of my seat, i felt restless. Without instruction, eyes affixed diagonally downwards, at an obtuse angle of about a 150°, head systematically positioned straightfoward to prevent any unnecessary strain in the neck, as if on cue, a vivacious vision greeted me, a choir of angels all on its own. One hundred and twenty seconds, i counted, time stood still. It was only after the lights went out, imprisoning my sight in darkness, negating the delectable view that was stealing my attention from the front stage performance, then did my passive self awaken from the subconscious universe that revolved around her...

For the next eighty minutes or so, fifty percent of the testosterone dominated male named Brian enjoyed the show, whilst his other half was engaged in a reckless inner-conflict, parallel to the raging rhythm and humdrum of the music, of which he honestly appreciated more than the dance. It was simply the way her smile toyed with his fragile memory, tantalising a guy's whiffs and fancies in more ways than one- a perfect blend of harmony midstreamed in a synchronised planar of the cacophonic environment...

Just seventeen days ago had i come clean with my emotions, climax of truth untold, removing the thorn that was penetrating my heart with a slow piercing motion. Yet like a jigsaw puzzle, that very play was the missing piece, come back to haunt me, assuming the form of -you know, the thing that happens some time after you quit, what do they call it? ah, yes.- ghostly withdrawal symptoms, encroaching loveless victims like myself. Oh when in the future will it be my turn to shatter this magical mirror of the past, without dire consequences