depression cured.

The most destructive habit is Worrying
The greatest joy is Giving
The greatest “shot in the arm” is Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome is Fear
The most effective sleeping pill is a Peace of mind
The most crippling disease is Excuses
The most powerful force in life is Love
The most incredible computer is The human brain
The worst thing to be without is Hope
The deadliest weapon is the Tongue
The two most powerful words is "I Can"
The greatest asset is Faith
The most worthless emotion one can experience is Self-pity
The worst thing you can lose is Self-respect
The most satisfying work is Helping others
The ugliest personality trait is Selfishness
The most beautiful attire is A smile =)
The most prized possession is Integrity
The most contagious spirit is Enthusiasm
The most powerful communication is Prayer
and
The most important thing in life is God

credits to Bob Hansen

cracked.

i played the worst game of my life today.

just hit that damn button

my priorities should be this way: God> studies> squash> girl.
yet my perplexions are aligned in this order: girl> squash> studies> God

i feel like a sinner. i feel stupid. i feel pressurized. i feel like giving up.

sometimes i wish i could just drop everything, and maybe tell God, to let me just quit life altogether. i'd say, "hey God, whasuppwiddat?? are u gonna stop playing around with me or could we just hit the restart button already?..."

it is a good day to die.

GOOD FRIDAY. wow!
kneeling down and holding up the cross for the congregation to venerate Jesus, really was my way of "dying" for Him today and "repaying" His incomparable love. knees sore, arms numb, muscles punctured... the sacrifice, reanacting the passion.(i think that made up for the squash training i missed today-or even more) haha. why on earth did i volunteer to do it... well, at least had a great laugh watching some people kiss Jesus all over the place, then bump their spectacles against the cross when they bend over, some even headbutting Him on accident.. haha.

wow.
today, by obligation, we catholics must fast and abstain from meat.. but who knows, maybe got loophole in the system- to fast means... to eat fast food! and when my parents tell me to eat half-full meals only, after breaking fast.. i go to parkway parade to glutton up fishball noodles, carrot cake, medium-double flavour scoopz ice cream -rum&raisin + cookies&cream. the divine succulent taste of heaven.. and there's nothing wrong with eating all this cos technically, i'm not full yet =)

wow.
back to more serious talk.
why is it so hard to follow Jesus's example, even in less magnificent things? why do i fear going on stage by myself even when i want to be part of it? age, good looks, the desire and drive to play the leading part... i don't lack any of this. Jesus went on stage by himself, why yes He went up on the cross and suffered ultimate humiliation and rejection, even though any sane or innocent man would never do this. so i tell myself, when she's right in front of me, am i going to give up my wish to get on stage? if i really like her should i be more benevolent? anyway how big a difference is our ages? it's enough to be hesitant to tell. in society and in reality, it's not an impossible relationship. so i shouldn't be backing down or hesitating should i? isn't that just my skill, just doing things carelessly?
seresly.

wow.
and i was told i'm antisocial yesterday. "you always sit in the corner or sth.." - quote my classmate(not to mention she's yet the girl who knows less than ten people in class). i told her she needed therapy. she got pissed and said she wanted to kill me. and i went ' haha, it'll be damn funny cos u're so small and when your face turns red and explodes with anger, i can just imagine you charging at me with a knife but i'll just push you away :p '

omg. screw depression. i feel like i'm dead already. listening to songs like, sorry,blameitonme by akon and cinderella by steven curtis chapman.

birthdays, in my opinion...

wow.
what makes him so special, that he gets to have the pleasure of having all of us gathered at midnight, to spring a birthday surprise just for him?.. causing me to sacrifice the beauty sleep that i so desperately needed for training the next day. why all the hectic rushed planning and commotion? how do his friends who bothered coming down to the east area from bishan(by taxi, having to suffer the midnight cab fare) benefit? where in the world, do all these birthday celebrations and partypooping lead to?

wow.
“Birthdays”, in my opinion, is a weapon used by ignorant people to assume their identity. This often leads to questioning, “Do Birthdays portray the true significance of that special someone?” However, the answer to that has always been erradicated and cast over with a shadow of doubt. To each his own. But one thing's for sure - since the dawn of time, birthdays have been subject to abuse over millenia by people for a day of domination. They can bend facts to make it right, exaggerate a rumour that did not exist, and contradict the people whom they give obligatory respect to over the next 364 days. Such an imbalanced perspective thus results in a dissatisfied and disorientated society. This popular form of selfishness throws its weight around by justifying itself with the common misnomer - "for the whole year round i've monopolised my life for the world. now that it's my birthday, shouldn't i enjoy some degree of appreciation and let the world live me instead, just for ONE day?" The mindless people who conform to that majority are naturally narrow-minded, but then again, since when have Man been created flawless? However, perspectivewise, what other great way would there be for men to celebrate, marvel and awe at the mighty hand of God's most undisputedly phenomenal creation- the gift of life.

haha. sorry for posting this. it's totally irrelevant.

TAITI, violence, and gore.

wow.
dear me, college girls are so unbecoming and unladylike nowadays. tonight, i can finally proclaim that i've had a near death experience. it all happened in a split second. 3 guys, 1 girl, 1 bed, poker cards (start imagining the scenario)...
suddenly!
girl wins game,
guy pissed,
guy pushes girl,
girl loses balance,
girl falls,
girl grabs onto nearest pillar of support,
girl finds nothing,
girl waves arms in air frantically,
I AM SITTING NEXT TO GIRL,
girl topples,
ONTO ME,
HER PLUNGING ELBOW(layered with massively compiled adrenaline-pumped brute force) LANDING MILLIMETRES AWAY FROM MY STRONGHOLD!
phew!
things could have turned out worse if not for my lightning fast reactions and superhuman reflexes. thank God.,, lucky for me, still more fathers day to come.

it's mine, it's all mine!

WOW.
After months of ultimate persuasion and convincing and conniving and arguing with my parents why my brother could have one at the tender age of 13 but i couldn't(maybe they foresaw the 4As he ended up achieving for alevels. hmm...), why my sister -who scored a meagre 14 for olevels- was given it without having to undergo any of the siansation of a whyishouldhavemyown debate with my parents(while i scored a singledigit 9), i finally, am now, the chauvinistic, the proud, the high and mighty, owner of my own sophisticated, staggeringly sexy and savy computer. HELL YEAH! i am in lalaland, over mt everest, walking on thin ice, never like before. i am so happy!..?

wow.
but what is happiness? Is it the feeling you experience when u nick a shot? Or win the extremely hard-fought match that physically drains you? Or when you're solving that incoherently difficult problem and inspiration comes in the form of an apple dropping on your head? Or is it the pat of encouragement or congratulative handshake you receive when you ace your tests? Or when you break someone's window by accident on a wild night out with your homies and run away crazily laughing, panting and wasted? Or when it's your birthday, get royal treatment from everyone and your body practically oozes with importance? Or when you have the beauty that makes you popularly rated as one of the seven wonders in school? Or when your crush deftly glances at you for a moment, briefly makes eye contact, then turns away flushed in the face, leaving sparks of electricity dancing in the atmosphere and jumpstarting voltages of pressure crushing your heart? Well, this is happiness at the surface and shallow-end. We can only swim across the drowning whirlpool of happiness when we disregard our own safety or achieve selflessness.. So what gives? Give happiness. True happiness is in making happy memories for your loved ones so that they can feel 100% satiated around you, or being spontaneously generous to all the beggars you see on the street and feeling that warm, fuzzy, sensation. It comes and counts when you care more about the other party's happiness. It goes an even longer way when you wish for someone elses benefit upon a shooting star, or give up that lucky four-leaf clover for his/her fortune. Come what may, fufillment comes in the form of happiness for another person. In effect, give her flowers even if she doesn't know you. Jump in front of the oncoming speeding car to save that dumbass jaywalker's life. Carry the old lady's groceries to the 21st floor when the lift is spoiled and let your emphatatic kindness be taken advantage of. Get scolded in your friend's place for letting him copy your work.(but if he fails his exams thats too bad for him) Say hi and make friends with the nerd geek junkie that gets austrasized so badly in school. Don't feel left out when you let someone else play in your place. Stand up and offer your seat to the fatass lazy teacher you despise. Say sorry even if it's not your fault. Don't regret, don't fret. One life, live it. Even if being a loser is what it takes, be the loser that everybody loves. Don't put happiness at stake.

tantric moments of inspiration

wow. I'm INTP!
Albert Einstein had it, Issac Newton had it, Tiger Woods has it, i have it, and they say that the most brilliant minds of all time have it too...

but i don't see what's so great about being an introverted intuitive thinking person. somehow i feel socially disadvantaged when i have to think before saying the right thing or end up blundering words of criticism, shortchanged during sensitive feeling moments when someone needs encouragement, and the list goes on...
guys like me need tantric moments of inspiration to do extravagant wild retarded things(like climbing over the fence and cutting my wrist at 3am in the morning-causing a mass awakening of the entire confi camp and causing my parents to drive down to the hospital worrying like mad), while at other times we can just remain quiet pensive folks sitting by the corner waiting for an invitation to the conversation.

ohwell.
anyway, for a few days now i have been observing behavourial changes... and i am proud to say, have made vast discoveries and developed my own theory in comprehending the most-controversially-debated-topic-in-the-21st-century, The Secret to Life for Schooling Teenagers.

the seven basic rules to adhere:

1 - Never ever go to school light-headed or in a good mood as there will always be someone or something to spoil everything. let the small gleeful things get to you instead so that your level of happiness will rise consistently throughout the day.
2 - always pretend to be inattentive during lectures so that you will not be bothered by friends for notes. however, make yourself inconspicuous to the lecturer so that you will appear to be listening
3 - Never ever pull long faces at the teacher you dislike. you will be blacklisted for life. be a sucker-upper(i do not mean this with any libidinous/licentious intention.. but somehow one cant help but wonder why they call it suck-up)
4 - always carry a deck of poker cards in case of social emergencies(thank God for this universal game)
5 - Never ever feel that you've studied hard enough... you will fail to have studied hard enough. (ok. lame pun. let me humour myself)
6 - always take advantage of opportunities to make new friends. but forget their names, so that you'll have something to talk about later.
7 - work hard. play harder.

wow.
how ingenious is that