Every other guy's horror really is my horror too. it is every man's horror. deny it we may, we are all afraid of women. every single one of them. men wanna be quarantined from unattractive girls they pay so much emphasis on physical beauty they're all afraid to be affected by one of these girls' inner beauty. yet how many of them will dare to say: Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even though I don't know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days shopping and cleaning together. I swear, I'll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel parking. If you consent to live with me, I'll clean the toilet every week. I'll do it with my tongue if you ask. I will strike the words "hooters" and "love rockets" from my vocabulary. I'll love you. Even if your name is Mimi and you want me to pronounce it "May May". I will only pass gas underneath the covers and under the direst of circumstances. Hell, I'll go on a low cholesterol diet. And I won't buy one of those red sports cars when I hit my mid-life crisis. Your parents can come visit us every week, even if your mom is a witch with a capital B. And your folks don't have to go to a retirement home because they can come live with us. I declare, I'll separate the whites from the colors and learn the mysteries of hot and cold water washes. I'll never huff and puff while waiting for you to put on your makeup. If you're a cat person, I'll never point out the fact that a dog can save your life from drowning, but a cat can't. I will happily go see chick flicks with you, like "Pride and Prejudice". I'll make a point to trying new food like okra gumbo. I won't curl my nose at vegetables whose awful taste is disguised by having cheese on it. I pledge to always say "yes" when you ask, "Is my hair looking okay tonight?" I'm gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word "cuddle". I'll be thoughtful enough to read your horoscope every day. I'm gonna save every birthday card you send me! And I'll actually write you real letters when we're apart. I'm never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys, and I'll never leave my socks on the floor. With me, you'll find the cap is always on the toothpaste. I'll start wearing those bikini style underwear if you like. My belly button will always be lint free. I want to full-on kiss your clitoris. It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you've ever had. I declare now, I will give my life for you. And if you fail to come to me, I know some part of me will surely die.
there's just everything at stake. when you're a guy talking to that beautiful girl of your dreams, you're doing it for all the marbles. you're so afraid to crash and burn, and that if you screw up, every girl after that will be a compromise.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
how to apply economics to your daily loser life.
wow.
i am one of the lucky winners to get conned $1 by the vending machine at the police academy. unfortunate right?- but if you think about it subjectively, didn't that make my h20 drink worth $2 in the end? which means that i'll treasure and savour it even more, which increases the level of satisfaction i receive from consuming it,, and successfully means that marginal benefit is still > marginal cost. therefore did i lose out?..
HELL YES. CURSE THAT #$%^&*()! VENDING MACHINE.
wow.
this brings me back to reality. well life's like that. when you experience the painful joy of getting cheated, at least you know you're still alive. alternatively, you can try pinching yourself in the cheek and hope you're waking up from a bad dream.
i am one of the lucky winners to get conned $1 by the vending machine at the police academy. unfortunate right?- but if you think about it subjectively, didn't that make my h20 drink worth $2 in the end? which means that i'll treasure and savour it even more, which increases the level of satisfaction i receive from consuming it,, and successfully means that marginal benefit is still > marginal cost. therefore did i lose out?..
HELL YES. CURSE THAT #$%^&*()! VENDING MACHINE.
wow.
this brings me back to reality. well life's like that. when you experience the painful joy of getting cheated, at least you know you're still alive. alternatively, you can try pinching yourself in the cheek and hope you're waking up from a bad dream.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Jaws of steel. heart of paper.
wow.
braces for six teeth. optimized discomfort for at least 7 months. count in the disfigured haircut. plus the depressing primal feelings for the opposite sex. say hello to frankenstein brian.
braces for six teeth. optimized discomfort for at least 7 months. count in the disfigured haircut. plus the depressing primal feelings for the opposite sex. say hello to frankenstein brian.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
mussel eggs and ham...
wow.
starting with the squat, comes the bend over, followed by the lift, the magnificent triumph, and the...
well anticipated muscle aches and hamstring trouble. i'm such a gym virgin. yesterday was an unforgettable moment. oh how i opened the book of records and rewrote the pages of history. oh how i walked in the sandals of achilles and bathed in the might of hercules. oh how i never, ever, wanna, be a foreigner in the land of weights and dumbells again ..
starting with the squat, comes the bend over, followed by the lift, the magnificent triumph, and the...
well anticipated muscle aches and hamstring trouble. i'm such a gym virgin. yesterday was an unforgettable moment. oh how i opened the book of records and rewrote the pages of history. oh how i walked in the sandals of achilles and bathed in the might of hercules. oh how i never, ever, wanna, be a foreigner in the land of weights and dumbells again ..
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
i will always remember...
'ehmust do how many ah?.'
wow.
is it an infatuation or fantasy?- thinking about her all the time then trying to disillusion her near-perfect features out of my memories but try as i might, her picture remains fresh in my mind... a drenching want to avoid uncalled obsessive feelings but the mere sight of her awakens my five senses, sends blood searing through my veins, tightens the knot in my stomach, thugs at my heartstrings, clouds my head with euphoria, ... ohGod, it's probably my 100th pretense at forgettin' her. it has failed miserably, and will fail another 100 times i suppose, with every successive attempt weakening each time.
wow.
is it an infatuation or fantasy?- thinking about her all the time then trying to disillusion her near-perfect features out of my memories but try as i might, her picture remains fresh in my mind... a drenching want to avoid uncalled obsessive feelings but the mere sight of her awakens my five senses, sends blood searing through my veins, tightens the knot in my stomach, thugs at my heartstrings, clouds my head with euphoria, ... ohGod, it's probably my 100th pretense at forgettin' her. it has failed miserably, and will fail another 100 times i suppose, with every successive attempt weakening each time.
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Sunday, February 10, 2008
catholic family controversy
wow.
i would like to share a very interesting conversation i had yesterday with my christian counterpart.
...
me: wah you finished visiting yesterday? i've been bai-nianing the whole day.
her: uh-huh. i'm not like you. i don't have a catholic family.
me: haha. but i get more hongbao money. hmmm, anyway i don't think contraceptives existed during my grandparents time did it>?
...
food for thought to the people who blame catholics for the baby boom.
i would like to share a very interesting conversation i had yesterday with my christian counterpart.
...
me: wah you finished visiting yesterday? i've been bai-nianing the whole day.
her: uh-huh. i'm not like you. i don't have a catholic family.
me: haha. but i get more hongbao money. hmmm, anyway i don't think contraceptives existed during my grandparents time did it>?
...
food for thought to the people who blame catholics for the baby boom.
genuinely nice hypocrites?
wow.
"bu hao yi si ^^!"... "bu yong jin la uncle!"... but these people still accept the hongbao in the end. -_- What on the blardy earth, i think, is, the point, of, saying, such things if you still blatantly take the money???!!! in the spur of the moment it may seem like the right and most indecently polite thing to say, but to the auntie donating to your playstation portable or prada bag fund, won't it seem egoclastically hypocritical?
On one hand, this might be just how it's supposed to be. But on one foot, the act might get even smellier.
I recall one very elusive young friend of mine in church - when i was about to wish one of the aunties hcny, he suddenly jumper(u noe, liike the movie?) in out of nowhere, cut me off, shook her hand and wished her first, taking the hongbao meant for me. after a brief sincere thank you, he was gone like the wind in a flash. (this episode lasted for 3seconds - the shake, take and break strategy) After which the auntie looked so stressed having to reach into her handbag again to take out one more angpao for me... so paiseh.
wow.
they say age does not matter, but the heart. so in my personal opinion, just as long as we remain young at heart like my shake-take-break friend, we should just keep to the end of the receiving line of chinese new year...
"bu hao yi si ^^!"... "bu yong jin la uncle!"... but these people still accept the hongbao in the end. -_- What on the blardy earth, i think, is, the point, of, saying, such things if you still blatantly take the money???!!! in the spur of the moment it may seem like the right and most indecently polite thing to say, but to the auntie donating to your playstation portable or prada bag fund, won't it seem egoclastically hypocritical?
On one hand, this might be just how it's supposed to be. But on one foot, the act might get even smellier.
I recall one very elusive young friend of mine in church - when i was about to wish one of the aunties hcny, he suddenly jumper(u noe, liike the movie?) in out of nowhere, cut me off, shook her hand and wished her first, taking the hongbao meant for me. after a brief sincere thank you, he was gone like the wind in a flash. (this episode lasted for 3seconds - the shake, take and break strategy) After which the auntie looked so stressed having to reach into her handbag again to take out one more angpao for me... so paiseh.
wow.
they say age does not matter, but the heart. so in my personal opinion, just as long as we remain young at heart like my shake-take-break friend, we should just keep to the end of the receiving line of chinese new year...
Thursday, February 7, 2008
cny is like...
wow.
chinese new year is like reading a newspaper...
1: you revisit old relatives as someone's grandson/daughter one year, and the next you may be meeting new ones as an uncle/auntie(i will be expecting an expansion set of at least 3 new members to the extended family by cny '09). similarly you read the papers and get updates on past issues which talk about SG unblock & property prices boom galore, and the next day you might be reading up on the latest happenings such as the US economic sub-prime property crisis.
2: furthermore, it becomes so routine and dull to meet people you are supposedly connected to, when half the guests that stride in through your doorway (like as if it was their grandfather's house - BUT technically that's kind of true if it actually is the case) are total strangers/mere aquaintances. similarly, you read up about the war in iraq (for example), sympathize & emphatize with the casualties & victims, but the effect on you is so minimal that you're not really supporting or participating in any way even though we're RELATED somehow.
conclusively, the only people who actually benefit from celebrating cny are the single bachelors and the youngest generation children thanks to the HONGBAO. the single ladies will never gain because all they'll gain is fat & KGs from overeating tidbits and splurge the money on shoes & dresses they will only wear once.
However, in the long term, the hongbao cycle will reexercise itself and nobody will earn in the end - i quote the saying, "what goes around comes around..."... hence chinese new year is just one huge complicated scam created by the ingenious chinese people[i'm one of them] who intricately conjured up the legendary story of a mythical monster just to enjoy one week of holiday :)
chinese new year is like reading a newspaper...
1: you revisit old relatives as someone's grandson/daughter one year, and the next you may be meeting new ones as an uncle/auntie(i will be expecting an expansion set of at least 3 new members to the extended family by cny '09). similarly you read the papers and get updates on past issues which talk about SG unblock & property prices boom galore, and the next day you might be reading up on the latest happenings such as the US economic sub-prime property crisis.
2: furthermore, it becomes so routine and dull to meet people you are supposedly connected to, when half the guests that stride in through your doorway (like as if it was their grandfather's house - BUT technically that's kind of true if it actually is the case) are total strangers/mere aquaintances. similarly, you read up about the war in iraq (for example), sympathize & emphatize with the casualties & victims, but the effect on you is so minimal that you're not really supporting or participating in any way even though we're RELATED somehow.
conclusively, the only people who actually benefit from celebrating cny are the single bachelors and the youngest generation children thanks to the HONGBAO. the single ladies will never gain because all they'll gain is fat & KGs from overeating tidbits and splurge the money on shoes & dresses they will only wear once.
However, in the long term, the hongbao cycle will reexercise itself and nobody will earn in the end - i quote the saying, "what goes around comes around..."... hence chinese new year is just one huge complicated scam created by the ingenious chinese people[i'm one of them] who intricately conjured up the legendary story of a mythical monster just to enjoy one week of holiday :)
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
"DD-O-I-NN-GG!"
"it's like a spring... compressed for 4 years already... now in acjc... DD-O-I-NN-GG!" - quote my hwa chong institution happy-go-lucky friend.
wow.
he thinks 4 years is a long time. what about the guys like me who have had 10 years of single-ed schooling? he really hurt my feelings... humans nowadays are educated but not civilised. take my friend as an example: 17years old already but've barely even mastered the basics of human empathy...
wow.
just received a nudge from my river valley ogmate - "OI, what u doing? watching porn issit?"
what the...
do i look like the kind of guy that will do this kind of thing in the discretion of my room?... i tell her she has a very wild imagination, but she claims that "u all teach me one lor."...
wow.
can't wait to go to school tomorrow. i love tuesdays. plenty of lectures... to skip. the ac library is so alluring that i will undoubtedly fall prey to the temptation of sleeping. the library has such a conducive environment for REM. they even provide cushions and beanbags for maximum comfort, not to mention the exclusive sofa set provided... as the saying goes. "sofa(so far), so good". oh yeah, i haven't even started on the void deck yet... which is why tuesdays are the best days of the week.
wow.
in the advent of lunch this afternoon, some random acsi dude(he was a bulky buff guy, whom i thought was gonna whoop my ass) came up and proclaimed to me straight in my face "has anyone told you that you look like some girl from another school?"... but when i ask him to clarify himself, he says nevermind... which leaves me dying curious not to find out. so when i ask the infatuatingly-rich-enough-to-pull-kelvyna's-strings acsi guy from my og, he says "maybe u so sexy until girls start to look like u"... (actually it was ".. u start to look like girl") but heck, i'll choose whichever sounds better =]
wow.
my primary 4 sister pestering me to let her use the computer. she threatens to tell mummy. if not effective she complain to daddy, then i mati. oh dear, in the context of modern day family life, it's the younger sister that masterminds the blackmailing and bullying... and the other day just discussing the disadvantages of being born (the unlucky?) mr. middle of 5 children... end up cannot enjoy the perks that the oldest siblings gets and at the same time deprived of the favoritism the youngest siblings gets...
sigh,.. physics tutorial here i come.
wow.
he thinks 4 years is a long time. what about the guys like me who have had 10 years of single-ed schooling? he really hurt my feelings... humans nowadays are educated but not civilised. take my friend as an example: 17years old already but've barely even mastered the basics of human empathy...
wow.
just received a nudge from my river valley ogmate - "OI, what u doing? watching porn issit?"
what the...
do i look like the kind of guy that will do this kind of thing in the discretion of my room?... i tell her she has a very wild imagination, but she claims that "u all teach me one lor."...
wow.
can't wait to go to school tomorrow. i love tuesdays. plenty of lectures... to skip. the ac library is so alluring that i will undoubtedly fall prey to the temptation of sleeping. the library has such a conducive environment for REM. they even provide cushions and beanbags for maximum comfort, not to mention the exclusive sofa set provided... as the saying goes. "sofa(so far), so good". oh yeah, i haven't even started on the void deck yet... which is why tuesdays are the best days of the week.
wow.
in the advent of lunch this afternoon, some random acsi dude(he was a bulky buff guy, whom i thought was gonna whoop my ass) came up and proclaimed to me straight in my face "has anyone told you that you look like some girl from another school?"... but when i ask him to clarify himself, he says nevermind... which leaves me dying curious not to find out. so when i ask the infatuatingly-rich-enough-to-pull-kelvyna's-strings acsi guy from my og, he says "maybe u so sexy until girls start to look like u"... (actually it was ".. u start to look like girl") but heck, i'll choose whichever sounds better =]
wow.
my primary 4 sister pestering me to let her use the computer. she threatens to tell mummy. if not effective she complain to daddy, then i mati. oh dear, in the context of modern day family life, it's the younger sister that masterminds the blackmailing and bullying... and the other day just discussing the disadvantages of being born (the unlucky?) mr. middle of 5 children... end up cannot enjoy the perks that the oldest siblings gets and at the same time deprived of the favoritism the youngest siblings gets...
sigh,.. physics tutorial here i come.
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